A letter to my abusive ex-husband (one of OLF Shanee leader) and their group.
“...with all the heart aches you Mr. A.M, Odaa Xasee and your other masters are causing our nation and the pain you have caused our children because they came from you. I now Thank you guys. For showing me how strong I am."
Dear Ex-husband and current OLF Shanee leader from my state:
After living with you since my teenage life, we broke up nine years ago around the same times you guys betrayed and broken up with the Oromo people. I finally managed to walk away when we got divorced in 2012. I smiled! Even though it has been hard to maintain it with all Shanee leaders on my back blackmailing me day in and day out behind the scenes, not because I was a nasty person, but because I was free. The chains you and your dictators had placed around me had broken off and the weight around my shoulders had been lifted. I was a bird, ready to take to the skies, but I was scared.
For all those years since I had arranged marriage to you in hopes for my family trying to save me from the regime's militants as young oromo girl when situation got worsened in Oromia, my family didn't realize capabilities of Diaspora undercover TPLF, they thought I would be safe from a real TPLF with you. And sent me to you putting their faith and trust in you, but, unfortunately, I was abused by you in worst case than they feared for me with Wayyaanees back home. “Your cruelty made me feel TPLF is better than you and your group” because they didn't hide in oromo skin and killed us you not only beat me physically to the point you've almost caused me miscarriage with your first child who you have taken away from me, but taunted me mentally. You made me feel like I was the smallest person in the world and I couldn't get away, because you made me believe without you I was nothing.
For the years that I tried to be a wife for you hoping you would act right like a real man one day for me to develop love for you, I was sixteen years old, I was wishing for you to show me love and good times not hate, praise when I did good in school,wanted to smiles and appreciate when I made you happy instead making me your political group servant constantly serving them tea and food for hours each weekend when you're discussing who to kill directly or indirectly or what organization to dismantle instead of working for your people's liberation. I was wishing for you to wake up one day and be my man not my master. I was wishing for you to be a human being to think like lover, brother or a father that you wouldn't cut my life dreams short hoping that you would let me continue my education from where I was when I came to you while I'm with you without me begging you, I didn't think you would have a heart to waste my brain. But you've tried. You have betrayed the trust I had placed in you and the false sense of security I had in you – thinking that you were going to be my “protector” forever.
I was constantly lying to family and friends that it was the perfect relationship when I was scared to go home and desperately trying to cover the injuries you had placed on my body. I
could hide scars in my heart, but I had hard time to hide scars on my body, I'm thankful there is makeup to cover it though so no one would ever see it.
I couldn't bare to look in the mirror at myself in the end. You told me so many times I wouldn't ever be with anyone else because you brought me to United States and everything I had earned belongs to you that you were with me because you pitied me, you said I didn't need to love you to be with you because you owned me, I was worthless with your kids and wouldn't go anywhere in life as long as you are a live. That's why I didn't walk away. I didn't believe I could do better with children you've dumped on me. I didn't believe I was worth anything more. To live everyday in fear has made me a stronger person and to appreciate each day I wake up and I'm not scared to be around.
So, thank you for showing me how strong I am!
I remember one day we when I cried because I was hurting too much while you were forcing me to do something I couldn't do. You put both your hands on my mouth and held me down until I almost couldn't breathe no more. Then, you slapped me in the face and said that I will be in more trouble if your neighbor heard my voice. I remember you almost peed in your pant when the doctor asked me about your fingerprints on my face, and I had to lie to the doctors telling them I fell down the stairs to protect you. But thank you, because without that I wouldn't know the pain of being abused or giving a person a chance and I wouldn't be able to help others going through it.
Couple of things & events that I would never forget though was the times you took away my phone book and planner so I cannot contact anyone, giving away all my CDs, cassettes (memories of my classmates) to my best friend without my permission because you didn't want me to listen to those kind of songs. I remember the time you ripped my necklace off my neck I got for my from my childhood best friend. The times you wouldn't let me speak with my our neighbors because you only want me to be with selective friends of your choice people I had nothing in common with; the time you have had wiretapped my phone, instilled cameras in all rooms including the restroom. You even had your best friend watch me naked while taking shower in your recording videos because you've trusted him that much to violate my privacy enough to watch my every move for you.
You punched me out of bed. You didn't want me to go to school because I was a wife and didn't need to be in school anymore according to your rules. You have had broken my dad’s promise to allow me continue my education, and then, when I've decided to go to school without your permission you have followed stalking me through all school camps, my work or meeting places, called my boss, teachers, mentors warning them to stay away from your wife, it was funny how your Taxi always showed up everywhere I went coincidently. Your pathetic reasoning behind why you were there was business when I asked you. You just happened to have a customers at the same location. But I never saw you pick up any customer one day the whole time. Your responses to any of my questions was a slap across the face, pushing my head repeatedly into the bed every time I had tried to talk to you. But, thank you, because you gave me the drive to carry on with my life and prove you wrong.
You broke me slowly over the years and I was scared of living after we got divorced. I didn't leave the house and I was scared to see you and your group’s faces around. Seeing you guys at Oromo events and meetings always gave me body chills. I wouldn't look for another relationship because I was scared I'd have to do it again. I hated myself, hated my Oromummaa because of you guys and hated myself for the lack of drive to do anything about it.
But thank you. I'm strong now. I know to handle things. I'm determined to make a go of my life and do well. I will remember what you did to me and it will push me on. But you have to live with it for the rest of your life. It's very funny how shameless people's fabricated stories unwraps sometimes in our naive societies, instead of your group hiding. I had to hide from you and your group because while I was busy providing and caring for children you have had brought to this world filling your shoes and mine at once when you failed to man up for your responsibility, you a man who isn't capable of providing for your children is in a position of leading our freedom fighting revolution, selling our people's lives behind the scenes, trading with Eritrea undercover. You and some of your wicked Shanee group leaders went above and beyond with false statements propaganda to ruin my reputation, and my family's name as a result, and have had stolen hundreds of thousands dollars from me. You guys thought you would break my foundation like you have had broken our country’s. I feel sorry for my people, our innocent WBO’s and our country. But, thank you for helping me realize it is you and your group that are worthless and me who is worthy.
Thank you for the compulsive lying. I take everything with a pinch of salt now. How disgusting it was to lie about living life in prison in hands of those who are supposed to protect me, represent our organization is another matter but at least it proves it was you and your group that had the problem, not me.
I've done well for myself. I'm in love with the best Sabboonaa oromo without you guys's permissions, I still have a long way to go and I'm fighting with my fears and anxiety everyday but I've got my life to fight for now. I have my kids and my love to live for. Not empty years of abuse.
I'm not condoning what you or your group did, but I'm happy you guys taught me to be free and to get away from people who happened to be worse. I learned a lot of life lessons with my time with you and I know when someone isn't worth my time of day. I'm just saddened for the Oromo people who trust wicked people like you and your group to lead them and our Revolution. I never thought we have animals in human bodies to destroy lives in our societies for personal gains.
Today, with great painful experience from within over the years and confidence, I stand in my opposition to OLF-Shanee's leadership for the oromo people. Recognizing as I do, the
conditions in Oromo politics that have contributed to their popularity, I, nonetheless, am obligated to state my core objection clearly:
OLF Shanee leaders visions of independent Oromia influence is wildly inconsistent and unmoored in principle for many serious legitimate concerning reasons. Their advocacy for invisible aggressively waging of Ganddummaa and gosuummaa kept our Diaspora societies busy fighting each other while our country fell under TPLF military operations causing genocide disaster in Oromia for several years. They are pocketing our fundraised money in Diaspora, and killing our innocent armies in Eritrea with starvation and murdering.
Their decision of falsified action-less public press releases from the chairman Mr. Dawud Ibsa year after years leading TPLF to our people's neighborhoods in Oromia with their propagandas hints to kill; keeping our military forces hostage in Eritrea is lying to the oromo people at large and so on is unacceptable for the leaders of freedom fighting nation.
Professor Asefa Jaalataa's GGO fundamentally dishonest action with GGO political campaigning is clear evidence of this includes his later attempts to deny positions he has unquestionably taken against other potential oromo leaders to retain his/their dictatorship positions utterly unfitted this group to lead or guide our people and our nation.
For anyone who reads this letter: Please note that above mentioned concerns about Shanee leaders and their elite members is just some examples of minor issues in most homes in our society.
From your ex-wife to my kids dad & your former young freedom fighter and OLF member to Shanee leaders.
P.S: for all Oromo ladies victims of Shanee leaders.
If you are going through some sort of abuse, I pray you find some peace reading this and I pray that you too will be able to find your solid rock– one that comforts you in times like these. Please learn to let go like I have or at least, am trying to. I have decided to take this as a lesson learnt to make wiser judgements in life and to speak about my experience anonymously hoping to be the voice for oromo women who have seemed to have lost theirs.